His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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