apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
