you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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