Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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