You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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