My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
