If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
