I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
