How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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