we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
