By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
