After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
