If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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