don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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