i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I am mentally ready for anal.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
