Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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