I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
soo... how was my night?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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