Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
