he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
tell me about the fingering
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
