is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
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