Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
