my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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