Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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