You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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