We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize
