My room smells like vodka and shame
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
