i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
