i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
