Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize