If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
