your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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