is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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