I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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