Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
