i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
