My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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