HIV tests are more positive than that guy
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
