After last night, I could never be a politician.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
