My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
