I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
This house was built for laser tag.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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