Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
