So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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