I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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