the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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