i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
