Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
