omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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