Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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