This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
