Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
