turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
