I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
