That's when you crack a 10am beer
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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