Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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