Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
