I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
