i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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