his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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