I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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