I should be sponsored by Trojan
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
