Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
