Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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