I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize