i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
