Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Randomize
