Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Randomize