If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
send nudes
from the living room?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
