please come you make the beer taste better
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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