1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize