is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
