I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
