Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
