I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize