so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
They took my balls.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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