I hate your face
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
