I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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