I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
